Dearest Father,

I am crying as I write this letter to you. I know that I should really be focusing on my lecture for the residents tomorrow, but I just miss you too much right now. Yesterday was a very emotional day for me and mommy. She's been having stomach pains since your funeral and didn't let me know about it until Monday. I remember what you kept on telling us in your last messages about doing everything we could in our power to love and care for mommy since she did her best to love and care for you. So we forced her to go see the doctor yesterday. I got off work early to take her. She couldn't find her insurance card and was convinced you "took it all" when you left this earth. She even managed to misplace her medications that she was supposed to bring with her to the doctor's visit. I got to your house and tried helping my mom. The first thing I did was look through your wallet Daddy. And the moment I did, the tears immediately started. I remembered all those times I'd watch you pull your driver's license from your wallet with your fingers for me to check you in at the oncology clinic-- and how difficult it was for you to remove it from your wallet because you had lost sensation in the fingertips from the chemotherapy-related neuropathy. I pulled out your ID and brushed my fingers across your face. Oh, how I miss your smile Dad. And behind that was old receipts you got from the pay-at-the pump--really the only thing you ever charged on your credit card. I remember I taught you how to do that too. Your wallet brought me so many wonderful memories of you and at the same time it made your departure all that more real too.

Once we got to the doctor's office and into the exam room, mom and I cried several times, both to the medical assistant and to the doctor. It was very hard for mom because it was always you who accompanied her to to visit--and here I was, in your place.

The other day, FX and I made some steak and before I ate some, I cut off the best piece that had a little bit of fat, and saved that for you. I will bring it to your resting site, just like I promised I would. I remember how I used to spoil you with steak these last two years whenever we'd go out. You loved eating it too. You always referred it as "thooj nqaij nyuj." The last time we went was after your last chemo session--it was you, mommy, va, uncle cher shoua, suze and me. We all had the ribeye and it was delicious. You ate it all, and afterwards felt terrible, but still enjoyed it. And I thought, maybe, you were getting your appetite back, but that was not the case....

Daddy, what are you doing these days? Do you peek in on us and make sure we're doing ok without you? I know that Va cries every night when he leaves a plate of food for you at the dinner table. All your daughters cry too as does Mommy. I don't think there is a single dry face among the children. We all still terribly miss you.

Anyways, Daddy, don't worry about mommy ok? We're taking care of her.

Hope you are having fun with grandpa, enjoying the variety of foods that have been left for you, and that you most importantly are painfree.

Hoping to see her dad in her dreams once more,
Me