Dearest Father,

I am crying as I write this letter to you. I know that I should really be focusing on my lecture for the residents tomorrow, but I just miss you too much right now. Yesterday was a very emotional day for me and mommy. She's been having stomach pains since your funeral and didn't let me know about it until Monday. I remember what you kept on telling us in your last messages about doing everything we could in our power to love and care for mommy since she did her best to love and care for you. So we forced her to go see the doctor yesterday. I got off work early to take her. She couldn't find her insurance card and was convinced you "took it all" when you left this earth. She even managed to misplace her medications that she was supposed to bring with her to the doctor's visit. I got to your house and tried helping my mom. The first thing I did was look through your wallet Daddy. And the moment I did, the tears immediately started. I remembered all those times I'd watch you pull your driver's license from your wallet with your fingers for me to check you in at the oncology clinic-- and how difficult it was for you to remove it from your wallet because you had lost sensation in the fingertips from the chemotherapy-related neuropathy. I pulled out your ID and brushed my fingers across your face. Oh, how I miss your smile Dad. And behind that was old receipts you got from the pay-at-the pump--really the only thing you ever charged on your credit card. I remember I taught you how to do that too. Your wallet brought me so many wonderful memories of you and at the same time it made your departure all that more real too.

Once we got to the doctor's office and into the exam room, mom and I cried several times, both to the medical assistant and to the doctor. It was very hard for mom because it was always you who accompanied her to to visit--and here I was, in your place.

The other day, FX and I made some steak and before I ate some, I cut off the best piece that had a little bit of fat, and saved that for you. I will bring it to your resting site, just like I promised I would. I remember how I used to spoil you with steak these last two years whenever we'd go out. You loved eating it too. You always referred it as "thooj nqaij nyuj." The last time we went was after your last chemo session--it was you, mommy, va, uncle cher shoua, suze and me. We all had the ribeye and it was delicious. You ate it all, and afterwards felt terrible, but still enjoyed it. And I thought, maybe, you were getting your appetite back, but that was not the case....

Daddy, what are you doing these days? Do you peek in on us and make sure we're doing ok without you? I know that Va cries every night when he leaves a plate of food for you at the dinner table. All your daughters cry too as does Mommy. I don't think there is a single dry face among the children. We all still terribly miss you.

Anyways, Daddy, don't worry about mommy ok? We're taking care of her.

Hope you are having fun with grandpa, enjoying the variety of foods that have been left for you, and that you most importantly are painfree.

Hoping to see her dad in her dreams once more,
Me

Dearest Father,

It has been 1 month, 6 hours, and 20 something minutes since you took your last breath. As I was making dinner tonight, I thought about you. And, I always come back to myself. How could I have prevented your death...getting the cancer diagnosed earlier, keeping you strong and upbeat as you dealt with the cancer and chemotherapy. There have been many times in my life which I would think, "Oh, I wish I could turn back time to redo that." But, if there was ever a time where I truly wished this, it would be March 2010. If there ever was such a wish to be granted, that would be mine. Maybe if it had been found during that CT scan, you would have had a fighting chance, and we would not be so heartbroken having to live without you. But, as you moved on after your father died, I know I must as well. Even after grandpa's death, you listened to his voice on the tape player as you drove to work every day--for nearly 15 years you did this. I will miss you and remember you just the same dad.

I found it quite odd today, on the 1 month anniversary of your death, that my car suddenly died on me in the middle of the freeway. The technician can't seem to figure out what happened. But as quickly as it died, it appears to have started up again. I wish this was the case with you, daddy.... I miss you.

She who misses her daddy,
Me

Kuv Txiv,

Tsab ntawv ua kuv sau rau koj no tsis yog ib tsab ua kuv tau xav hais tias kuv yuav tau sau hnub no. Tiamsis, yog li npau suav phem, es xav kom hnov rheev hais tias koj tseem nyob nrog peb los cas yuav tsis yog npau suav lawm os kuv txiv. Cas thaum twg kuv npau suav pom koj es ua rau kuv zoo siab tshaj plaws hais tias zoo li koj tseem nrog peb nyob, ua peb luag es ua rau kuv muaj zog mus ua hauj lwm. Vim li cas thaum koj mob tav no, txoj kev zoo siab thiab mus nrhiav kev lom zem los tsis ua rau kuv zoo siab kiag li. Koj lub ntees los, kuv niam thiab peb cov me tub menyuam mas npaj tsheej hnub kom koj lub ntees zoo es, hnub no mam li nco nrhees hais tias tsis tshuav hnub ntev ntxim lawm es peb yuav rov pom koj ua zaum kawg, uas yuav plws koj taub hau thiab tuav koj txhais tes ua zaum kawg tiag tiag li os. Kuv nco qhov sij hawm uas kuv thaum twg kuv ntsib koj es kuv khawm koj thiab hnia koj plhu es hais “Hi Daddy” es wb sib luag vim txoj kev hlub ntawm ib tug txiv thiab nws tus ntxhais. Cas kuv yuav nco koj lub me ntsej muag uas twb tsis tau txoom ntau oh kuv txiv tus siab zoo.

Koj puas paub hais tias kuv nco koj tshaj plaws hnub os kuv txiv es nws ua rau kuv xav vwm nstuav hais tias peb tsis txhob zais koj lub cev es peb muab koj khov ua nakuab kom thaum twg peb nco koj txhais tes los tsis nco qab koj lub ntsej muag lawm ces peb khiav tuaj ib pliag es plhws ib pliag kom zoo lub siab. Tiamsis yuav txog caij peb sib ncaim tiag tiag li kuv txiv vim yeej ua tsis tau li ntawv—thiab yog ua tau los koj twb yuav hais tsis tau ib lo lus los phlws tau kuv tob hau. Tej zaum kuv xav hais tias yog peb ua dabtsi yuav kev rau lub ntiaj teb no es thiaj li ntsib txoj kev sib ncaim ntxov npaum li no os Txiv.

Kuv niam qhuav paub tsis ntev no hais tiam muaj ib zauj koj tau hais tias yog koj rov los ua neeg no, koj kuj ntshaw los ua ib tug thaj maum vim koj tau lub meej mom thiab qhov tseem ceeb tshaj plaws mas koj pab tau neeg thaum lawv muaj mob muaj nkeeg. Thaum kuv hnov qhov no, nws ua rau kuv zoo siab vim hais tias koj yeej zoo siab kawg nkaus hais txawm koj tsis tau kawm ntaub ntawv los koj tus ntxhais tau mob siab es cuag tau koj txoj kev npau suav es yej zoo koj lub siab lawm. Tiamsis hauv kuv lub siab mas ua rau kuv tus quaj vim hais tias thaum kawg thaj maum pab koj dim tsis tau koj qhov mob phem no, es koj tau ncaim peb thaum koj tseem tab tom yuav tau txais txoj kev zoo ntawm peb cov menyuam xwb.

Txiv, thaum peb muab koj lub cev mus zais lawm es, ntshe thaum muaj ib qho ua rau kuv zoo siab lo kuv yuav quaj vim tsis muaj koj nyob nrog kuv zoo siab. Thaum muaj kev chim los ntshe kuv yuav quaj ib pluag vim tsis muaj koj ntxias kuv kom kuv zoo siab. Txawm hais tias kuv twb yuav txiv lawm los, nco ntsoov hais tias kuv yeej yog koj tus ntxhais Shary no nawb. Yog koj los txia ua neeg los, thov nco ntsoov kuv ntsej muag es tuaj hais nyob zoo rau kuv nawb. Kuv yeej nco nco koj kawg os Daddy.

Thov ua koj tus ntxhais lwm tiam,

Kuv